I am not saying life is hard but what do you get when your family doesn't approve

A good example is right now.

I am in tears as I talk to my buddy. We're just talking about failure.
So why am I crying.
Why am I being a real person and spitting emotion.

Maybe it is because my past doesn't haunt me but my very nature of being hypocritical nature devolves me as a person.

But then I think I have god.


It is not all better but he understands me as a person. So I am not putting myself down but these circumstances and expectations when I try so hard hurt.

They make this cold circle around my body and make me feel like everything accomplished is a waste. Get this my sister laments. Get this certificate because you don't have experience. I have to use this as fuel and prove people wrong.
I am t he underdog in the fight of life. No I haven't lived in a gutter but I have to bite, claw , gna w and other wise fucking get to my goal. I have to. I have to be true to my character.
I don't give up no matter how hard.
So yeah I can cry. It relieves things for me but it does hurt.

I sound like a grown up baby. I am very scared of failure. I want the best for me. I really do but this failure thing digs and claws at my being. Is this the enemy?
Am I my own enemy?

God tells me he loves me. I always feel loved. He's here with me now as I type this and try to wipe away my sad tears. But what do I do?

I have to fight! I have to.
I have to be accountable for who I am as a person. I have to make decisions. I have to be an adult.
It is hard but I am war torn . I can do this!