The Alarm

As I begin to write a new chapter of my other short story...the fucking blazer starts hollering.


The alarm begins to wail. Odd!

It is 9:16p.m. at night.

Coming Fresh off House of a 1000 Corpses ....Sweet Baby Jesus!

How fucked was that?

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Plot: You have these dumb ass people. 4 of them go into a town in Texas and they decide they need gas and added chicken. But what the hell Rob Zombie. 

He doesn't show you the origins of this psychotic family. No instead the intro is a goddamn weird-ass clown who is pretty funny. But these kids are so damned curious as to this weird place. You need conflict so here they go. They go in Spaulding's House of Horror or whatever and boy howdy is it revolting.

Then the legend of Dr. Satan. As I watched this part you think it is a legend.

Then of course- you know something will happen. The kids or people get their tire blown out by another psycho. The same fucker that has the tow truck. Then on Halloween Eve they are in the rain with nowhere to go. So they decide to stay in a creepy-ass motherfucking house! What is with these idiots. Everything screams not right. Not right! Even one point the other psychopath chick tries to seduce one of the guys. The plot has stalled a billion different times. And it is fully disjointed. 
We see that 4 or 5 cheerleaders are being tortured and beaten and most are dead.

Of course, the psycho with the tow truck says it is time to leave. And of course, they dun fucked up when they went to Spaulding's House of Horrors. That was the beginning of the end as they say.

So now they are trying to leave in their car. No can do because another psychopath, the long-haired man says nope.  Tiny drags one of the ladies out. A long-haired man drags another one out.


So a cheesy part is where Rainn Wilson's character is turned into a disembodied fish man. Okay, I get the direction he wanted but come on! It was not scary at all just freakishly weird. Flash forward more.


Memorable-ass death scene. One of the girls decides to make a break for it. They are all in bunny costumes. What the fuck? Bunny costumes pertaining to what exactly? Randomness? That is all I can figure.
Two go in the coffin. This is like almost the end of the film. About a 1/3 or fucking so. And that third is the most brilliant. The coffin element was freaky. But then the lantern drops down this hole and the two are in a coffin. The coffin is ripped to fuck by some grave people dweller -peepz? But then we pan to the guy being carried off and she escaping down a literal fucking corpse corridor of hell. A chandelier of fucking bones, a goddamn horrible horrifying terrible corridor of the pure sense of hell. And in the next room a nightmarish set piece of terror. Paging Dr. Fucking Satan! Yeah, he looks like a goddamn Quake villain. No legs just like a piece of torso experimenting very -fucked-up so on the guy that was carried away. It will haunt me forever. He was freakishly cool and very memorable and he deserved at least a death. Maybe stab his ass with a needle before like ya know- that big motherfucker pSYcho father came through the doors. We could have done without the close -up slobber scene or excretion? Either way that father dude was very cool with the gas mask. Zombie fucked up by showing us his mouth. Leave him a mystery with that large axe. He swings like a dumb-ass and hits the door. He's not bright is he? No, he is a goddamn moron. Anyway, bunny girl terrors through the door with haste. His brief undoing is cutting his axe into a beam and getting crushed by his own inanity . :) Moron! She survives or so we think?

I watched Devil's Rejects so I spoiled the clown dude ending I think. Still weird that psychopath -long hair is in the backseat. But oh well. The 1/3 of the movie was good. The buildup was okay.
The story made no cohesive sense. 

- The officer should have taken potshots at long-haired he had time even though in shock.
- The cop at the table or sheriff would have seen that bimbo mother pull a gun out. He could have at least killed her. Or tried.
- I am not sure how many times these people could have escaped. 
- The father had no chance of living he was killed. But he should not have followed the cop. He should have stayed in the car or something.
- The kid had to ask about Dr. Satan because it is a plot point. My god would some explanation about his killing in detail given us more to worry about. Instead, we get a vaguely watered-down explanation of this horrific town legend is.
-WTF is with the doll heads. 
- The cop should have known something is up. How many shoes were there? You kidding me?
-Bring more backup cops. _Stupid to bring two.
-Tiny eating weird shit outta a bowl. Disturbing. Should have been cut outta the film. Him letting her go can stay in. We know she will not escape that basement. Thrown into the gate with all those weirdos . No explanation as to what they are . Prolly foreshadowing that fucking underground fright-fare.

Other than that tons of flaws but the 1/3 will stick with me. Dr. Satan especially. Dear gravy god was he just horrific. 

Outta 5 . I'd say 3.5 maybe 4.