Hurricane of confusion

I feel like I am confused very easily right now.
I am in an unstable situation with awful pay.
 I can't really do much but stand idle.

Just the thought of trusting people is fucking pathetic.

Just pathetic.

My parent's don't understand the word trust. First it was betrayal then forgiveness and back to no trust.
What the fuck is wrong with them.

If they say something I expect them to do it.

Yet, they sit idle and just explain how they would do something.

My life is a bloody fucking mess right now.

I WANT STABILITY.

Is that too much to ask for?

Really, is it fucking really that much to ask for?

-V

My uncle died

Yes, my uncle died.

Yes, I am sad.

But I must move on for the fallen.


I am trying to take things one microcosm at a time.

And it is hard because I am in a stressful situation.

-I live with three people.

-One of them is a fucking slob.


-I can't get my mail.


So I just strive to improve the situation. Prayer is in some order.

Peace!

Stairway Down

I stayed at my sister's house yesterday.
I have been jet lagged for at least a couple days.

Anyway, she told me to go to sleep. And I obliged. But the lights were very dim.
Some flush type lights I had guessed. And then two other lights. The dimness was representative of a very dim orange glow.

But as I was sleeping I was distressed. I have no idea how to explain it but there was a mix of blue lights coming from somewhere

Where?

I have no fucking idea. I guessed maybe a usb outlet. Yeah, that must have been it. Though, maybe I was having a nightmare. But I swore to fuck that there were stairs on each side of me opening up.

There were no stairs.

Must have been my dream.

But it wigged me out all together.

I don't really know how to explain it. Stairs that stretched down and the light was off. But I felt them. Or something like them.



A lot is going on:
I have moved to  a new  place.
My uncle was at a hospice.
I just came back from Korea.
Maybe it was a full fledged culmination of all that is going on in my life.



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I am really not sure.

-V