Anger and Thunder

I am so fucking angry right now.

How do you tell your kid to leave the house when the economy is this poor?
I mean look at the facts here.
I was lied to by my parents that they were moving. It takes a long while to move anywhere. But for fuck's sake. This was horseshit.
They were not up front about anything.

This is what was used. Find a job in three months and leave. This was this. That is this and this is bullshit. I couldn't find a job in three months. So naturally, I was told to leave because they were moving.

What was never said was "Find a job so you can stay here we don't want you to leave."
When someone be it your parents or anyone tells you to leave you have to prepare. That's what I did.
That's exactly WHAT I FUCKING DID.

What else can you do?

Luckily my friend, will call him Gary, let me stay with him. He lives by himself and we are old college friends.

I have been at Gary's house for 2 months. When the first month was not producing any jobs. Be it me erring horribly, or me just not finding work. Although, I have been trying really hard to get a job.
I was so desperate I looked to McDonald's. I did however in the second month start taking a different approach. I started listening to my sister about networking. I know how to network but I haven't been to any networking events in the place I live. The Springs is an interesting place because there are transplants that move there. It went really well. I handed out my business cards. I don't even own a business. But I thought it'd work like that.  People in return gave me their cards.
So all was well with the land.

Yet, as I told my parents more of my friends are here they said I'd have to do another month. This was in my response that I had fucked up. Sure, I blamed myself for leaving my home but I think I was forced. You can't just lie to your kids. You just can't. I don't care if they're 30 , you should always be honest with them.

So now with all the work in the second month. I tell my parents again I can't hack it. I've learned my lesson. I went there without a job and it is very hard to get one. So can I return home and look for more opportunity.  My fucking mom combats me with the most of idiocy and says no. You can't come home. You just can't . You need to grow on your own. Even though the opportunities are more plentiful here in my hometown. So I'm like fuck. Well my friends gave me courage to ask my mom first and my dad second. My dad was on board and I had him convinced.
AND WOULDN'T YOU FUCKING KNOW IT...

My mom says when are you going back to the Springs. And I say " I am not. I am coming home." And we get in a fight and I said my dad said I can come back. She says no "You'll be there another month." "They pay for all my shit." I tried to tell them it will cost more living there than in the Springs.
So I am really angry at my mom. I am infuriated with her. She lied to my face about moving and let my brother roam scott free. He did work until his girlfriend came home. He's held more jobs then I have and we both have degrees. I mean what in the fuck is wrong with my mom? She's not listening to reason. I won't ever forgive her for lying to my face. Also, I was willing to destroy my pride to come home. I can admit defeat if I need to. I can do it. If it means coming back home I will.

The place I live with is okay. There's not a lot to do. My bathroom was designed for a midget. My friend is really awesome. Gary, is a kick-ass guy. But the job opportunities are supremely less.

The relationship with my mom was once great and now it is splintering . I can't trust either of my parents. My dad is still cooler but he also lied. So it is just really hard to have any trust for either parent with what is going down.
The hope is that I guess I have to go back. FUCK! But I still need to find a job. Hopefully, I do something. I will still have to apply to places. That hasn't changed.
-Andres

Open ends

Are open ends a good way to do endings?
Or do they leave your brain racking on top of itself.

Selena Gomez has no help to this matter.

I finished watching an anime. It was called Monster and the show was so brilliant.
Could you argue that the ending was great?
I just think it was left for the viewer to decipher.
There was so much mystery surrounding Monster and the way it ended you have to question a lot.

I mean it is symbolically and philosophically deep.

What is in an open ending. It is the viewer's interpretation.
I mean that's what makes it amazing.

I was talking with someone at a networking event. They told me everything is subjective. In essence, this can't be true.
There has to be objectivity at some level. Therefore, sure the ending is subjugated to subjectivity but what did the author intend? The only way to glean anything like that is to really seek out the previous works he did.
You see Monster was adapted from a manga. So, the anime for was adapted good and proper.
And yet we trapes back to the ending.
What does it all mean?
I can't say without spoiling what I think it means.
For now it was very open ending and it wasn't abrupt like a head scratcher.

Sandwich is your destiny my young friends and old ones

Sandwiches are found and often made from scraps of whatever.

I am talking black forest ham, bacon, egg, maybe? I mean there's like a billion other ingredients that can make a sandwich.

    I don't do pastrami or salami. To me the classification of pastrami and salami are like two Giraffes. I think they're two different Giraffes. Either muy yuck-o! To Salami.

I think lettuce is integral to the inherent sandwich structure. Tomatoes are the thing that is expensive. A tomato is beautiful on a sandwich. It doesn't even have to be red. And to think Spain was scared of these being from the nightshade family. Mayonnaise and mustard for me are a must. Honey mustard and Dijon are favorites.

Go forth to sandwich victory!

OR what about the Monte Cristo sandwiches with their amazing purple. Excuse me! I mean grape jelly that just adds to the already colorful texture and your ride becomes one of many meats. One of many great meats stacked oh so high! And then bam the powder sugar hits you like a great sandwichey train!

Hurrah!

We need more education on depression

A girl I have been talking with is severely depressed.
I knew she was depressed as she told me.
I can't do shit.

I feel helpless when talking with her.
I don't know where the sky is when talking with her.

I just know she's hurting badly.
I can't help.
It is like having no arms and watching someone get chopped up with a swinging claymore.
It pains me.
We will never meet and she will still hurt.

We have talked for a long while now.
I feel sorry for her.
My empathy for her is pretty good.

I just don't understand what I can do.
Depressed people must hurt amazingly bad and just can't put together healthy relationships.
They hurt oh so bad!
Yet, the only thing we as a society can do for depression is keep on educating.

http://mic.com/articles/104096/there-s-a-suicide-epidemic-in-utah-and-one-neuroscientist-thinks-he-knows-why

I hope there is real help that exists for her and others. I am wondering because she has seen people and said it doesn't work.
I hope she gets the real help she needs. I hope that she can fight this somehow or another and she can again see the sun.
We recently had a conversation. I told her I don't want to be her friend anymore because I am confused as shit.
She won't talk to me.
I just didn't get it.
She revealed some things and issues and it got a lot more understandable.
I believe in God and if I can't help, he can.
I pray for this girl.
I wish for her to get fucking better.
Apparently, people that battle with this don't understand their worth. She's very smart but wont't acknowledge it. She's pretty too but won't acknowledge that. She doesn't want to hurt people. She doesn't want to be near them. She wants to let go...
I don't want her to let go. We had a big fight today. I am not sure if I want to continue to be friends with her.
I don't know if I can do this anymore.
So goddamn fucking hard.
I just really hope that she can be happy ....one day!